your parents love me but you hate me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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