and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Let's paint friendship bongs
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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