I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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