In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're like the curious george of whores
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
