i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
