but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
