Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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