Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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