You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
