Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
