I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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