you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
