This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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