i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
