i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Those nachos came to me in a dream
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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