I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I lost the right to judge tonight
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
