People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
