If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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