Yo dont text me then not text me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
