On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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