I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
this will be a night to untag.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
