their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
