the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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