i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
