I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Send help, water and tortillas.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
