How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
