my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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