I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
