it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
