opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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