I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
