i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I smell stomach acid.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
