Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
