Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
