I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
