My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
