I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
