final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
