God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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