i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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