I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
