why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I supernannyed him into submission
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
