At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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