I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she woke up with a sticky ear
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
