you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
