I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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