fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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