I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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