Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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