Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
