Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
