Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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