I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
