he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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