I must be too annoying 4 u.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
