does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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