I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
someone owes me an orgasm
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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