If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
