I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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