Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
