Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
