Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
