So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
