Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.