ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  O no, u 2 are dating again?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture

  Fav 7 1232 2528

  share tweet
  

• (251): View more from Alabama

  He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.

  Fav 58 4182 945

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

  Fav 12 1113 3894

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

  Fav 30 4490 1701

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (760): View more from California

  She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder

  Fav 3 1308 726

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.

  Fav 4 1962 748

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5

  Fav 14 3173 1033

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.

  Fav 4 1099 1029

  share tweet
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights

  Fav 3 1039 592

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house

  Fav 2 1362 703

  share tweet
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.

  Fav 1 875 586

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (650): View more from California

  Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around

  Fav 1 604 467

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.

  Fav 1 1045 422

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that

  Fav 0 207 155

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (312): View more from Illinois

  But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?

  Fav 1 43 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize