WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
my liver is dry heaving
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
