my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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