chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
