bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...