just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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