Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
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as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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